literature

The joys of motherhood

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StarkNaked's avatar
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Literature Text

She is spoken for
yet completely silent
hidden by the largest shadow
or hiding in the back of her car

She is passionate for her one and only
yet snuffed out easily into a wisp of gray smoke
smelling burnt and used up
thickly covered by wildflower perfume

The days of playing with children are gone
and heaven forbid they return her lonely phone calls
Mopping the floor has never had luster
even after the tile shines

She knows the joys of being a wife and mother
I actually have yet to meet a bored housewife, let alone a retired, bored housewife. I don't know where this comes from.
© 2004 - 2024 StarkNaked
Comments4
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Sperpy's avatar
this may be personal preference, but I would love to see some punctuation in this. I think that it would help this flow better, and give you nice pauses and such, to aid reading. for example in the first line of the second stanza, a comma would let the reader just rest on that last word "only" before continuing on. Punctuation aids enjambement I guess.

"Mopping the floor has never had luster
even after the tile shines" - concept-wise I dig these lines. But they're strangely worded.

and that last line seems entirely incongruous. In a not-so-good way because in essence, the whole poem communicates a sense of melancholy, and while it is interesting to have a complete turn around at the end of a piece, in this case it didn't work because, to me, it seem entirely out of the blue. Unrelated even.

however i did enjoy your manner of description in this, you communicated a strong sense of character and mood throughout this. it just seems cut short or something.