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literary wonders by b1gfan

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Submitted on
October 18, 2004
File Size
1.0 KB


126 (who?)
Daddy’s large belly protruded past the rest of us,
sometimes it gurgled
if it sensed the presence of an
In N’ Out Burger close by.

It would shake a little
when he laughed.
It would rise and fall
when he slept.
It would demand much room,
when he drove mother’s car.

It came to be that I was convinced
his heart was in that belly,
that it was big simply because
he needed more space.

His Death Certificate reads
H e a r t  A t t a c k -
and a small part of me still wonders
why didn’t his belly collapse?
Why couldn’t his stomach
have attacked him instead?
Not his loving heart -
not his love that everyone envied, admired,
that beat so loudly
as though it were a Chinese gong.

I look in the mirror now
and wonder if my heart too,
is lower than it should be.
It took me a week to get this one done. I wanted to write something from the view of a little child, but keep it with my own mindset. That doesn't make to much sense to me either...but I really like the way this turned out.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2004-11-09
in the words of the suggestor (slightly edited): Daddy's belly by ~StarkNaked is one of those rare, crystal-clear gems in a world of cynical abstraction. The simplicity of the imagery is misleading, for beneath the fragile presentation lies an ocean. It is one of the most rending elegies I've read. ( Suggested by breathheld and Featured by Astrophel )
the-photographicpoet Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Hey there,

Your beautiful art work has been featured in this news article

adobemaster Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2008
you show a lot of originality, and presence throughout the poem

I'm not one to speak, but your twist at the end is kind of cliche' and weak

Overall a fantastic poem though, very good work.
oceaneyes9 Featured By Owner May 20, 2007
wow , this is really amazing . i think i read it about 10 times - and it's simple yet so powerful. it really makes me miss my dad .thanks for writing it .
monatorgersen Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2007  Student Digital Artist
I don't think I appreciate poetry as much as I should be, but this poem here really got to me. I just had to fav it=P
elnefous Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2006
I love this poem and it reminds me so much of my father. Very humourous and touching.
udrite Featured By Owner May 14, 2006
My mom tells me, every time I fell sick, I would keep my head on my father's belly. My father's pot-bellied too. This made me cry so much. I can't say more than that. I can't imagine the difficulty you must've gone through writing this.
abstract-goddess Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2005
The switch between child and full grown up is a little confusing. Obviously, you switch because children do not know what a "Chinese gong" is. They may know of it, but not well enough to know it's name or spell it correctly.

Although, I do love In n' Out, so you get points for that.
DragonSonata Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2005
I don't even want to critique... I enjoyed every part, excellent metaphors.
musicobsessed Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2005
Incredible. I feel themes of death and emotional loss and tenderness.
laughing-pain Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2004
Quite poignant; it would feel like an elegy, if it were not for the touch of whimsical tenor.

One small thing, however. As I read, some commas, particularly in the first, second and third stanzas, disrupted the flow somewhat. They would best be removed, in my opinion.

Other than this, the poem is well done; heartrending and thoughtful. Congrats on the DD.
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