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literary wonders by b1gfan


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Submitted on
October 18, 2004
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Daddy’s large belly protruded past the rest of us,
sometimes it gurgled
if it sensed the presence of an
In N’ Out Burger close by.

It would shake a little
when he laughed.
It would rise and fall
when he slept.
It would demand much room,
when he drove mother’s car.

It came to be that I was convinced
his heart was in that belly,
that it was big simply because
he needed more space.

His Death Certificate reads
H e a r t  A t t a c k -
and a small part of me still wonders
why didn’t his belly collapse?
Why couldn’t his stomach
have attacked him instead?
Not his loving heart -
not his love that everyone envied, admired,
that beat so loudly
as though it were a Chinese gong.

I look in the mirror now
and wonder if my heart too,
is lower than it should be.
It took me a week to get this one done. I wanted to write something from the view of a little child, but keep it with my own mindset. That doesn't make to much sense to me either...but I really like the way this turned out.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2004-11-09
in the words of the suggestor (slightly edited): Daddy's belly by ~StarkNaked is one of those rare, crystal-clear gems in a world of cynical abstraction. The simplicity of the imagery is misleading, for beneath the fragile presentation lies an ocean. It is one of the most rending elegies I've read. ( Suggested by breathheld and Featured by Astrophel )
:iconthe-photographicpoet:
the-photographicpoet Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Hey there,

Your beautiful art work has been featured in this news article

:love:
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:iconadobemaster:
adobemaster Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2008
you show a lot of originality, and presence throughout the poem

I'm not one to speak, but your twist at the end is kind of cliche' and weak

Overall a fantastic poem though, very good work.
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:iconoceaneyes9:
oceaneyes9 Featured By Owner May 20, 2007
wow , this is really amazing . i think i read it about 10 times - and it's simple yet so powerful. it really makes me miss my dad .thanks for writing it .
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:iconmonatorgersen:
monatorgersen Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2007  Student Digital Artist
I don't think I appreciate poetry as much as I should be, but this poem here really got to me. I just had to fav it=P
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:iconelnefous:
elnefous Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2006
I love this poem and it reminds me so much of my father. Very humourous and touching.
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:iconudrite:
udrite Featured By Owner May 14, 2006
My mom tells me, every time I fell sick, I would keep my head on my father's belly. My father's pot-bellied too. This made me cry so much. I can't say more than that. I can't imagine the difficulty you must've gone through writing this.
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:iconabstract-goddess:
abstract-goddess Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2005
The switch between child and full grown up is a little confusing. Obviously, you switch because children do not know what a "Chinese gong" is. They may know of it, but not well enough to know it's name or spell it correctly.

Although, I do love In n' Out, so you get points for that.
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:icondragonsonata:
DragonSonata Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2005
I don't even want to critique... I enjoyed every part, excellent metaphors.
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:iconmusicobsessed:
musicobsessed Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2005
Incredible. I feel themes of death and emotional loss and tenderness.
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:iconlaughing-pain:
laughing-pain Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2004
Quite poignant; it would feel like an elegy, if it were not for the touch of whimsical tenor.

One small thing, however. As I read, some commas, particularly in the first, second and third stanzas, disrupted the flow somewhat. They would best be removed, in my opinion.

Other than this, the poem is well done; heartrending and thoughtful. Congrats on the DD.
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